Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
