bring money and cleavage
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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