mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
