You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
