I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
