forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
