Do you still have your period?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
