Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
