He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
