i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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