Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
