She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
