Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
