Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
