I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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