well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
