Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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