I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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