dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
