He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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