You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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