I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
