is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
