Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
