Cold hands, warm shart.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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