I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
