I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
