Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
