We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
