kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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