3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize