I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I have post one night stand depression
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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