The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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