was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I love you.
Bad choice
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
