why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
