Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
