so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Drake has all the answers
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
