don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
