i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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