FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
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