how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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