I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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