turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
