Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
