I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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