Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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