using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
