If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
