And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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