forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
