did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
