help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
