# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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