Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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