Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
