if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
