I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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