how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did you pee in the oven last night??
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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