I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
