you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
