There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
