Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
