I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I enjoy the company of your penis
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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