If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
