I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
