his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
