i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
