real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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