This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
