"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Shame is for Republicans.
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