Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
