Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
