As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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