i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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