Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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