You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
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Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize