i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
