okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
