Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
