so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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