I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
bring money and cleavage
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
