Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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