thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
