Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
