I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
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Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
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i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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