never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
