careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
